Yesterday afternoon I experienced the most terrifying moment of my entire life.
It all started with a rather frustrated phone conversation with James. I hung up the phone, barely two seconds after Ellie had walked out of my sight and started to follow her when I heard a strange gurgling noise. I rushed out to see Ellie's little face all red and her gasping for air.
She was chocking.
I ran to her and tried to see what she had in her mouth, her tongue was all curled up in her panic and I couldn't tell. I started hitting her on the back and trying to figure out what to do. I was screaming her name, telling her that mummy would help her but I was completely blank. I sat there, petrified she was going to choke to death in my arms and I couldn't think. For a fleeting moment I remembered someone once telling me their boyfriend had been chocking and the hospital had given him coke, then I thought about my first aid training from years and years ago but I looked down at her little body, lying over my knees as I hit her back, and didn't know where to press, what to do. Ellie was grabbing at her neck, tears running down her face as she looked up at me from where I had her laid. All I could think was "You can't just sit here, you have to do something!" I felt like I had been sitting there, struggling forever, when in reality it was merely seconds. But, seconds count...
So, I got up, put her in a 'football' type grip, with her under my arm and my forearm wrapped around her tummy and ran out the door, down the front steps and got to the bottom of my neighbour's stairs when Ellie finally took a huge breath and let out a cry.
I checked her to make sure her airway was clear before returning home. I took her into my room, sat on the bed, hugged her tight and just cried. She sat there, looking up at me with a cheeky grin on her face and all I could do was cry.
I rang James and he asked my why I didn't ring 000? Honestly, it didn't cross my mind at all. I thought maybe our neighbour would know what to do and I suppose if she hadn't she could have called them while I continued to try to dislodge whatever was stuck.
Ellie and I sat on the bed, playing and chatting for some time, I just wanted her there with me so I could hug her and make sure she was really okay. Looking at her I felt so guilty, things could have turned out so differently, I felt like I had failed her in a major way.
I was mad at myself for not having any idea what to do. I was mad at myself because it was only in the last week or so that I had watched Oprah, they were talking about how an overwhelmed mum can't function well enough in an emergency situation and how easy it is for things to go wrong in such situations.
This week has been overwhelming - apart from being 38 weeks pregnant, sore, feeling sick and exhausted, I have been so stressed out about James being sick as well as getting everything ready for Bubby's arrival and being nervous about having a c-section - it all just got to a point where I couldn't think clearly, couldn't figure out how to deal with an emergency.
I intend to look into a First Aid course now.
Here's some pics of my precious girl talking on the phone to Nanna yesterday afternoon, for some reason she puts the phone behind her head, lol.
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