“Gonna be Home Late”

I hate those words. That dreaded sentence which always seems to come when I am at my worst. When they’re at their worst and when all I want is for James to come home early and take the girls out of the house for an hour or so, giving Jasper a chance to nap uninterrupted and me a moments peace. It’s always the way. 

The long days are always, always the ones I want cut short. Like today, with me having barely any voice, a pounding headache and a earache that’s kicking my butt and Ellie having an hour and a half melt down over a three minute time out. Jasper having trouble settling and Kahlei getting into as much mischief as humanly possible. I would catch myself looking longingly at the clock only to realise my count-down could not begin.

And I do count-down. Every day. On the bad days, I watch those hands move slowly around the face of the clock and will James to come home soon to take someone off my hands, to give me a moments silence. To hold the baby, who’s cried all day or play with the toddler who hasn’t let up for a single moment. Or to just hold me and be my shoulder to cry on. On the good days I watch for the moment when I will finally have some adult conversation and companionship.

Tonight, I am watching the first of Oprah’s Australian shows alone, which James and I were so looking forward to watching together and I was lamenting the fact that he’s not here.

As I put Ellie to bed, she looked out the window and said “I’m worried Daddy’s not coming home.” Bless her. As I explained that Daddy, would in fact be coming home and would sneak in to tuck her in and kiss her on the head I realised just how lucky I was. He may not be home just yet, he might be missing our ‘date’, but he will be home.

And for that I am so very grateful.

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10 Comments

  1. I guess in some cases, it makes the coming home part much more special. Enjoy your quality time together.

    CJ xx

  2. Oh i know that feeling all to well, if my phone rings at 5:30 i really dont want to answer it, because i know its going to be one of those calls, and i can guarantee it will be on a 'Bad' day.

  3. I know exactly how you feel – hugs xx

  4. Bless. I know the feeling well, Becky. Sometimes you are just CLINGING ON knowing that he is going to walk in the door at a certain time. When it doesn't happen, you lose your grip and fall!!

    But, grateful too. We all come home. x

  5. I *get* it, Becky. Had it this week, in fact. Read my witching hour posts if you want to feel less alone! J x

  6. I am SO glad it's not just me. I often feel so guilty and selfish about theis type of thing. Thank you for making me feel normal xo

  7. Yep it's not just you. I've only got one and I count down just the same.

  8. Puts everything into perspective doesn't it? My hubby's work is very unpredictable – sometimes he'll be home at lunchtime, during busy times our daughter won't see him all week. And it's those weeks that I really feel for her… but, as you say, it's nothing in the scheme of things.

    On the bad days though… 😉

  9. Oh yes I so know that feeling, waiting for husband to come home. Although the past few months his job has been so stressful that it was a double edged sword, he'd be home, another adult in the house but so stressed he was not able to help at all and just needed to retreat and be alone.

    Thank god he got transferred to another section of his job today with far less stress. I'm crying tears of relief here hiding at my laptop to see him come home smiling and happy and wanting to engage with his children.

  10. Oh yes, its the one sentence in the English language guaranteed to strike fear in the heart of mothers all across the globe! I DREAD it, and as my husband works 2hrs away from where we live I sometimes feel like a single mum. There are days he is gone at 5.30am and not home til 9pm. And he wonders why I am in no hurry to have another child – because there will not be that built in "Daddy time" buffer at the end of a long day…

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