{52 Weeks} Week 40 + 41: Me. Nervous

Me. Nervous

Last Thursday, I wrote about how I wanted a little success from this blog. The very next day I received an invite to a televised event on the 6th of May. The mere invite had me so thrilled, even though I figured a trip to Melbourne was off the cards for me. I wasn’t even going to ask James what he thought; though I did proudly forward the email to James, feeling a little special.

Then, I thought about it some more. I did really, really want to go and I had put it out there. It all had a feeling of ‘meant to be’; you know, that warm fuzzy, excited and nervous mix in your belly. So, I changed my mind about asking if there was a way.

James said yes, basically from the very start. As we brainstormed exactly how it would work, I started to panic. I was worried about our finances, which made it easy to start making excuses. I am not a great socialiser. I suffered social-phobia in my teens and I’ve never quite felt comfortable in social situations since.

Thoughts of “what if they don’t like me?”, “what if they sent the invitation to me in error?” or “what if I make a fool of myself?” started running through my head. I find it so much easier to imagine myself sitting alone in a corner, an outcast than it is to imagine going into a group of people (whether I know them or not) and being liked. Even to me that sounds crazy. But, it’s true.

I found myself saying “We can’t afford it, I won’t go” and half hoping he’d agree while the rest of me was hoping he’d tell me we could. If I decided not to go, I wanted it to seem (to me as well as others) like it was because of finances as apposed to me being chicken.

This year I am tackling my attitude toward myself, my self image, my PND, my health, why not jump right in and attack this social ineptitude. I want to make friends and go out. I want to go to this brunch. And so, I said yes. Sent in my RSVP and allowed Kirsty and James to figure out the best way to get me there (I am NO help in such areas).

I followed my brave ‘yes’ up by finding out who else would be in attendance. Which, maybe I should have done before confirming my place… because once I saw the wonderful, amazing women who are also going to be there. I have to admit I am quite overwhelmed. Entirely apprehensive.

All the while being so excited I feel the urge to randomly jump up and down before worrying again exactly how it will go.

The long and the short of it is that in two weeks I will be with my two favourite girls; Kirsty and Casey after meeting and spending time with women I know only through their blogs, women who I look up to. I feel a bit like I am off to meet celebrities.

On top of the thrill of ‘the event’, as I like to call it, I am delirious about the fact that I am going to Melbourne for the first time. Even if I will only be there a little over a day, as we’re driving down Thursday and back Saturday. I cannot wait!

(I go from excitement to nervousness quite quickly and frequently)

So, in my short first stay in the city of Melbourne what should I absolutely see/experience?


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