Things I Know: I am Sucky at the Social
You may (or may not) have noticed that neither my Blogopolis nor Bloggers Brunch wrap up posts have mentioned much about the social side of the events. I haven’t gone into great detail about who I met, who I loved, who I didn’t get to meet but wish I had.
I, like many of you, have been reading the other posts surrounding these events and have read time and again that more than the events themselves, it’s the networking and chance to meet and talk to people we have become friends with online which really gets people excited.
It’s the chance to be with ‘like beings’ that is the real appeal of traveling across the country, or for hours from another state or encourages bloggers, particularly those in the Mummy Blogging set, to leave their families at home.
I am about to admit to being the odd one out here. My social experience was not what I had hoped. I froze up, avoided meeting certain bloggers I thought were ‘too big’ to even know who little old Becky from Becky and James would be and I generally didn’t fit in.
Yes, I spoke to wonderful bloggers who I have so much to do with online and I met some of the most gorgeous people but every moment of those social interactions I was torn between loving and hating it. And so today, I know I am Sucky at the Social. Like really sucky.
I found that I didn’t feel like I ‘clicked’ and when there were obvious groups of like minded bloggers, I found myself standing alone, panicking, wishing I could just “be a real person”.
When I got out of the car and let my mother drive away on Saturday morning before I even knew where the Zinc building was I had high hopes that my confidence would continue and grow.
I had hoped that attending the Brunch the day before would help me be a socially capable person.
However, I felt early on, that going to the Brunch might have actually hindered me. Especially when, after leaving with my mum and kids, I started to see floods of bloggy lunch tweets and instagram photos. I felt so on the outer, so not cool that I was negatively effected for the next day.
There is no one to blame but myself. I froze up, panicked. There was no particular thoughts I could catch onto and reform; I was in full blown panic attack territory and there was little I could do to break myself out without having a complete meltdown. I was faking it but I was far from making it.
I did so enjoy the chance to talk to Kate from Kate Says Stuff as we were ushered from table to table for filming during the Brunch. I did get excited about hugging and meeting Cate from Keep Cate Busy and Clairey Hewitt. I did love meeting the ever gorgeous Miss Glow and I wanted to give her a big hug and I felt very happy to be sitting at her table for lunch, along with the lovely Lina of Mothers Love Letters (check out her blog, it’s gorgeous) and I loved having the chance to catch up with Caz from The Truth About Mummy.
It felt right to be with people who got the whole blogging thing, it felt amazing to be able to talk about my passion for my blog and hear it reflected in others. It was good to be with my kind. And yet it was utterly heartbreaking that I still didn’t really feel able to fit in even though I felt like I should have.
I left blogopolis with tears in my eyes. Tears of complete disappointment at myself.
I know I was sucky this time and I will probably be sucky next time and I know there WILL BE a next time. Maybe next time I will attend the social functions and maybe that will help or maybe this is just going to take me a little longer than others. But, I will get there. I know it.
I also know I am flogging with Glowless today and supporting Jeans for Genes day.
What do you know today? Join Shae from Yay For Home.