These Things I Remember
It’s the second week of Naomi’s Cherish your Cherubs Project, and this week’s prompt is remember and so here are the things that have stayed with me, above and beyond everything else.
Given that this little miss has just had a birthday, I have spent a lot of time recently reminiscing about the past four years and there is much to remember.
From her walking at 10 months to spending a sunny morning on the beach at Coogee before Kahlei’s arrival. So many amazing moments.
The one moment, however, that I want to share is a moment I love to recall when my girls are fighting and carrying on, I like to take a breath and look at this photo of Ellie first meeting her new baby sister. There’s not a whole lot I remember from after Kahlei’s birth; I was completely out of it but I do remember that Ellie’s first response was to give the new arrival a big kiss.
It was a beautiful, honest and perfect moment. And I love this photo, the softness. The love.
I like to think that soon enough the squabbling will end and my girls will be like this again.
At 11 months old, my baby girl ended up in hospital with Bronchiolitis. She went from my happy, busy, mischievous little girl to a lethargic, miserable mere shell of herself.
At night, I would stay up until I was exhausted watching her breathe, stroking her face, holding her hand. I would look at her with all the tubes and be heartbroken for her. I would wake in the night to her trying to get comfortable and she would be consumed with misery.
It was a worrisome, exhausting time and while it was only a couple of days it seemed like forever.
Thankfully, sick children tend to bounce back just as quickly as they went down hill and she was soon her normal, happy self.
Now, when Kahlei gets sick I worry just that little bit more, I watch her breathing, I check how fast her heart is beating because there’s little more frightening than seeing your child ill and it’s not something I want to experience again.
One of my most powerful memories from the last 9 and a bit months is of me, sitting alone in a corner chair holding my 3 week old baby in a place as close to a padded room as you could imagine, complete with curtains outside the doors and no sharp objects to be seen.
As I held my precious Little Man I cried. I whispered to him that I was sorry I was his Mumma and that I was sorry I was failing him and everyone else. I told him I didn’t know what would happen when we left the hospital and I felt completely lost.
I watched him sleep, my perfectly grumpy old man baby, in the way that babies do, with little snores and a cranky yet peaceful face and tiny little curled up fingers. My lovely baby boy.
To this day I find this memory makes me tear up, it’s a little bit like I am on the other side of a window peeking through at a person in their most private moment as they hit rock bottom. Broken and lost. But, it’s a memory I also cherish because it reminds me that we’re doing okay. It shows me that Jasper is growing up, healthy and strong and that I am doing so much better within myself. It reminds me to take stock on the bad days and see how far we have come since last December.
What are your most powerful memories of your children?
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