Careful What You Wish For

In my attempt to fill out my 30 before 30 list, I started looking back on my 101 in 1001 to see what I might be able to add. I don’t want to be reaching for unrealistic goals, but I do want to grow, push myself and be accomplishing things as well as having fun, so I am trying to be mindful as I make my decisions and finalise my list with a blog post.

30 before 30 ideas, writing my 30 before 30 list

My look back over what I wanted to accomplish before Febuary 14, 2013, I realised I’ve got quite a few things to do still but there were also many things I had done and not marked off. Mainly, however, I got thinking about #31 – Move to Bx. Thinking about how we’re here now, over a year in. Thinking about how I had wanted this for so long. Thinking about how James’ work review has come and gone with us being offered exactly what we needed to stay. Thinking about the fact that we are staying. And thinking about how I really don’t want to.

It’s crazy.

I spent so much time wanting this.

And now. Well, now, being here is just as lonely as being there was. If not more so. Because here, I know there are people who are too busy to see me. No. Not people. Family.

Now, being here and knowing that makes the loneliness just that much worse.

Now, I just want to be somewhere else.

Fickle me.

One Comment

  1. Isn’t life just like that sometimes. We want things so much and then we get them and wonder why. I think we’re all a bit fickle hey!!

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