Devastation and the effects of Teasing

Yesterday morning, I got up with Jasper to an eerily quiet house. I knew Ellie would be sleeping in, given it is her “favourite thing to do in the morning when it’s quiet” and I thought Kahlei would be, too. We did have a big day on Saturday and I thought she might be, miraculously, sleeping it off.

I should have known better.

I emerged to find a strange pile in the hall. As I started saying “What are you doing?” I thought I would soon discover a bare headed Barbie. Or a few, given the amount of hair on the floor. I was shocked to discover my once ringletted daughter now sporting a short do as I came to the door.

My shock sent me racing back to the bedroom to inform James of the horror.

I took a minute before returning, hoping to find it had been some kind of weird dream. It wasn’t. When asked why (oh, why) she had done it she burst into tears and said she wanted short hair like me. So, I got her to sweep up those golden ringlets which had taken her oh-so-long to grow and then sat her down for breakfast.

Faced with the back of her head, I could have died.

My toddler cut her own hair, toddler haircut nightmare,

Moments before seeing this, I was convincing myself it was almost going to be alright. Again, I raced back to my room to hyperventilate and tell James that she was practically bald on the back. I can’t believe how close she managed to cut. And I am totally grateful for kiddy scissors, because otherwise there would have been blood, too.

It eventually came to light that the boy at day care told her that her hair was yucky.

We’ve been having issues since this little boy started and, of late, Kahlei has been telling me she’s too sick to attend on a weekly basis. Every Thursday without fail, she will ask me if she can stay home. Given that there is only my girls, another little girl of about 20 months and this boy, I understand her reservation. It’s been hard to know what to do. He calls her names and pushes both girls – Ellie even came home with a scratch the week before last – and blatantly tells Kahlei he doesn’t like her.

my daughter cut her own hair, toddler hair disaster

I’ve spoken to our day carer and she insists the girls give as good as they get, but as the weeks have passed I’ve started to worry about how this is being handled. I ask Ellie and, thankfully, she can tell me word-for-word how things go down. She is capable of standing up for herself and telling him that he’s not being nice before walking away. She seems totally unfazed by him, whereas Kahlei is taking his words to heart.

I don’t think telling this boy “That’s not nice.” is enough on the carer’s part. Especially when there’s a little girl being crushed by these words. I am gently telling her she is not what he says, that he is just a sad little boy, but she needs the reassurance in the moment and she’s not getting it.

I know Kahlei can be hard to deal with. You have to do so in a certain way, but I don’t think that she should have to deal with this. I also know the carer is friends with the mother of this boy and, I cant help but wonder if that is colouring her perspective, just a tad.

my daughter cut her own hair, toddler haircut,

Since last Thursday I’ve been contemplating pulling her out all together. Her tantrums have been insane and she acts out a whole lot the days after day care. She is easily upset and defiant as hell. Once we get past those days, she calms and is easier to deal with, not to mention so much happier.

This incident certainly helped me decide. It’s all well and good to want socialisation for our children, but at what cost? Next year she will attend preschool where there will be more children and hopefully that will work for her.

She and I had a big chat about it before we both feel into an exhausted sleep at nap time and since being told she won’t have to go anymore she’s been a much happier girl.

She’s such a soft, beautiful, caring, funny girl – I just can’t believe this is happening.

And for this week, our project is to find a hairdresser who can ‘fix’ her hair and make it somewhat funky (that can do that, right?)

Have you ever dealt with any of this? What would you do?

 

 

12 Comments

  1. I would hate my girls to do this, but really, it is just hair – I have had a few average cuts before and even paid for them!

    • So true, Claire. I know it’s just hair and that it will grow (hopefully much much faster than it did initially), but I think it’s the shock that’s made it worse. It’s the last thing I expected and I am still trying to get my head around it!

  2. This is wrong. Poor sweetheart. She shouldn’t have to
    Deal with bullying. Especially so young 🙁 breaks my heart.
    I’m sure the carer can do more as well. That pisses me off.

    • Thanks Christy. It makes me so very upset and then angry and then upset. It’s so hard.

  3. 🙁 we pulled Erin out of daycare for similar reasons. I don’t think carers really understand how devastating bullying at this age can be.

    • I don’t understand the blase attitude. I want to ask when it becomes an issue? At what age do we take bullying seriously?

  4. Oh wow she did get really close!!! My mother was always encouraging me to have one side short, one side long – she loves the style. No word of a lie, as soon as the smidgen of bald grows hair my mum would be pointing her out as one of the coolest little girls ever.

    • Love this. It has a ‘funky’ look about it, that’s why I’ve said (or maybe screeched) a blatant no to just shaving it all off. I figure we can make it look like it’s meant to be like that! Thanks x

  5. I totally forgot to tell you- when I was about 5 I did this exact thing!! Grabbe the scissors while kuneas busy prepping a horse for a show.. Went and sat on the steps and chopped straight down one side of my head. I don’t remember it at all but mum has told the story so many times!!
    And I agree with Glowless- Kahlei would totally rock the short to long do!!

    • Haha! I am sure I will be telling this story more than a time or two! Thanks hunni. I’m thinking you’re both right. Kahlei is funky, so it will be fine..

  6. Oh Becky I feel devestated about the bullying – the hair will grow back so not the end of the world but the bullying is heart-breaking.

  7. Oh, I’m so sorry about the bullying. Just dreadful and so heartbreaking, I do think you’ve done the right thing in deciding to remove her.
    On of my boys did the same thing, cut a bald patch the size of a 50c piece right in front. Came out to his Dad and I carrying the scissors very proud of himself and claimed: “I LIKE it like this!”. We were horrified but as a boy it was easy to solve with a number 1 all over.
    I bet though that your hairdresser creates a very funky and cute pixie look for her and yep it WILL grow back.
    xx

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Bullying. Dobbing. What would you do? | Becky and James - [...] Kahlei has been out of Day Care for two weeks now, it’s exhausting to not have that little break…
  2. Taming the Mama Bear | Becky and James - [...] biggest hurdle to date was last year’s Day Care debacle which led to Kahlei cutting her hair.  Mama Bear…

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