Devastation and the effects of Teasing
Yesterday morning, I got up with Jasper to an eerily quiet house. I knew Ellie would be sleeping in, given it is her “favourite thing to do in the morning when it’s quiet” and I thought Kahlei would be, too. We did have a big day on Saturday and I thought she might be, miraculously, sleeping it off.
I should have known better.
I emerged to find a strange pile in the hall. As I started saying “What are you doing?” I thought I would soon discover a bare headed Barbie. Or a few, given the amount of hair on the floor. I was shocked to discover my once ringletted daughter now sporting a short do as I came to the door.
My shock sent me racing back to the bedroom to inform James of the horror.
I took a minute before returning, hoping to find it had been some kind of weird dream. It wasn’t. When asked why (oh, why) she had done it she burst into tears and said she wanted short hair like me. So, I got her to sweep up those golden ringlets which had taken her oh-so-long to grow and then sat her down for breakfast.
Faced with the back of her head, I could have died.
Moments before seeing this, I was convincing myself it was almost going to be alright. Again, I raced back to my room to hyperventilate and tell James that she was practically bald on the back. I can’t believe how close she managed to cut. And I am totally grateful for kiddy scissors, because otherwise there would have been blood, too.
It eventually came to light that the boy at day care told her that her hair was yucky.
We’ve been having issues since this little boy started and, of late, Kahlei has been telling me she’s too sick to attend on a weekly basis. Every Thursday without fail, she will ask me if she can stay home. Given that there is only my girls, another little girl of about 20 months and this boy, I understand her reservation. It’s been hard to know what to do. He calls her names and pushes both girls – Ellie even came home with a scratch the week before last – and blatantly tells Kahlei he doesn’t like her.
I’ve spoken to our day carer and she insists the girls give as good as they get, but as the weeks have passed I’ve started to worry about how this is being handled. I ask Ellie and, thankfully, she can tell me word-for-word how things go down. She is capable of standing up for herself and telling him that he’s not being nice before walking away. She seems totally unfazed by him, whereas Kahlei is taking his words to heart.
I don’t think telling this boy “That’s not nice.” is enough on the carer’s part. Especially when there’s a little girl being crushed by these words. I am gently telling her she is not what he says, that he is just a sad little boy, but she needs the reassurance in the moment and she’s not getting it.
I know Kahlei can be hard to deal with. You have to do so in a certain way, but I don’t think that she should have to deal with this. I also know the carer is friends with the mother of this boy and, I cant help but wonder if that is colouring her perspective, just a tad.
Since last Thursday I’ve been contemplating pulling her out all together. Her tantrums have been insane and she acts out a whole lot the days after day care. She is easily upset and defiant as hell. Once we get past those days, she calms and is easier to deal with, not to mention so much happier.
This incident certainly helped me decide. It’s all well and good to want socialisation for our children, but at what cost? Next year she will attend preschool where there will be more children and hopefully that will work for her.
She and I had a big chat about it before we both feel into an exhausted sleep at nap time and since being told she won’t have to go anymore she’s been a much happier girl.
She’s such a soft, beautiful, caring, funny girl – I just can’t believe this is happening.
And for this week, our project is to find a hairdresser who can ‘fix’ her hair and make it somewhat funky (that can do that, right?)
Have you ever dealt with any of this? What would you do?