Finding Myself in the Process
When I started my art journaling journey, I just wanted to make pretty pages like the ones I spend too much time drooling over on Pinterest. And, while knowing I do not have a single arty bone in my body I decided to jump right in. It’s only now, that I a benefiting and learning and growing through the experience that I realise it was certainly not a sudden belief that I was about to become some amazing artist with gorgeous spreads but that it was a way to meeting needs I didn’t even know I had.
While I was once simply hoping to make something that looked appealing, now, I lose myself in the process. In the layers. In the learning and sharing.
Where once I would wonder what the point of putting down paint, tape, shapes that were only going to be covered up, now I revel in building the layers. With the layers comes calm. Or clarity. Or release. And, sometimes even answers.
And sometimes, it’s just fun. A bit of mess and record keeping.
On Saturday, we made a day trip to the Mudgee Field Days. It was a horror getting there. It was muddy. I was surrounded by people I didn’t fit in with. It was cold. None of the things I wanted to do happened. I didn’t even get an ice cream. When we came home, I sat down at my desk, cranky, dejected and feeling less than important.
I was going to make a mess. Get all my frustrations out on the page and probably end it with a snide comment/quote.
And, while I started with some big, brash numbers indicating the HOURS upon hours I spent being miserable, it soon took a different direction.
As much as I am learning through the the process of doing, I am also learning through the process of being.
Being a part of Book Of Days*, being a part of the Sisterhood, it has opened me up to so much. At 29, I am still discovering myself and through this programme I have been given a place to explore, share, grow and be alongside my sisters and Effy, who are doing just the same as me; being human, being open, making mistakes and moving forward.
One of the most amazing things about the group at large is the generosity, the love. I recently won a place in the Premium Programme and it has given me a chance to start working through Effy’s Soulistry prompts, which has been amazing. It’s helping me know myself in a way I never have before and it’s cementing what I believe. And one of my sisters made that possible for me.
When I feel down or when I need to know there is someone on my side, I go to the FB group. I ask for what I need, whether it be prayers or words or simply to fill my cup with the art that is being shared and I know that there are women in other countries offering me the support I ask for. I can feel it.
While we are all of different backgrounds, different beliefs and different life stories we all come together, offering support and raising one voice when asked. It’s the most spiritually alive I have ever been, and the most connected I’ve ever felt to a group. Had I felt like this in a Church, I could never have left.
We’re all different and I love that.
I love what I am becoming. Calmer. Happier. Awakened. More tolerant. More open.
And maybe just a little arty (a very tiny smidge).
Who knew what a little paint could do?
Linking up with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBot
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