Tides of Change
I thought I had a lot of time to write this post. More time to figure out what I was thinking and to see the people who should have been told in person.
But, time’s a funny thing.
One day, you’re impatiently waiting for a decision to be reached, thinking it is taking TOO much time to nut out the bit and pieces and then you turn around and you’re days away from a major life change and you’ve told next to no-one.
Tomorrow is James’ last day at his job here.
He put in his resignation last Thursday and now, here we are, on the cusp of a brand new adventure.
While, all I wanted since bringing our first baby home almost 5 years ago (5 years!), was to be here near my family, surrounded and supported by the village now, it’s time to move on.
Yes, we’re finally where I wanted to be, but things haven’t been what I expected. At all. I may have complained. I may have complained here and there. We’ve had losses. Changes in our relationship. We’ve done what people do, entertained, put on barbeques, held cards nights and there’s been loneliness. There have been highs and lows.
There was just something making me wonder if we should go, and so we started talking about it. Around and around we went. No decisions, no real answers, just more questions.
I sat down at my desk and wrote out what we’d been talking about, my questions, the pros and cons. I ripped up maps of the areas we were talking about and let myself process.
Though I didn’t find any answers, I was able to feel more relaxed and stopped worrying.
The next thing you know, James called me to let me know he’d been offered a job. More specifically, he had been offered a job by his previous boss. There were talks, between him and James and James and I. There was a meeting, some negotiations and a decision.
Then we were back in the go-slow part of it all.
And then, it became tomorrow.
During August we have things to get done and then James will start work on the Coast in September, leaving us behind until we can follow in October. During that month, James will work 4 days a week so he is able to travel to us (or us to him) and I will be solo parenting, which is why I mentioned yesterday that I will be deserving a weekend away sooner rather than later.
I don’t know what I am thinking or feeling. Relieved, happy, stressed, confused, sad. I do think it’s for the best. It just seems so much to get my head around.
Have you ever had a sea change?
Or a tree change which led to a sea change?