Recently I shared what life was like at Number 3. When we’re not at number 3, we are out west, in Number 4.
This past week at Number 4 has not been pretty. It has not been fun. It started only hours after James had left with Ellie breaking down, miserable at the thought of going to the movies without James (which, actually, shouldn’t have been an issue since we weren’t going to the movies) and has continued in the same way.
Crying and fighting and saying no (defiant little buggers, they are) peppered with cried of “I miss daddy!” Reading that back, it sounds much like a normal day with a family, but it’s been 10x worse that normal here. With so much happening and so much coming up it has really started to affect them and it’s showing. It’s not just them, of course, I am at that point. You know the one, one the edge of madness.
Things are bad when I am yelling at them and wishing I could just curl up in bed and sleep.
All three of them are suddenly unable to entertain themselves for even a moment. “Mum” is currently on my least favourite words list. If one is touching me then the other two need to come and fight over me. And, mostly, I have just wanted a bit of space and a time out. But, they follow me there too!
The irony of me having moved here for more help only to find myself alone is not lost on me and I spent many nights crying. Crying because I was alone and lonely, or because I had been yelling and mean, or because I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
I know it’s really not so bad and that makes it worse. I hate to struggle when, really, I shouldn’t be.
At one stage I decided to video one of the tantrums, I wanted to be able to share it and not feel so alone. I wanted someone to see my week. I captured a few doozies and they’re just the tip of the ice berg. I am thinking of making James’ ring tone out of it…
I know, at the end of my last post I was searching for a way to turn it around – and I still am – but, sometimes I just need to have a bit of a whinge and get it off my chest, you know?
* I’d just like to say that this was written in advance and scheduled for today. I’m okay (if you’re wondering). The kids are okay. We’ve just had a lovely weekend for Jazzy’s second birthday and today, while you’re reading my rant we’re off to Ellie’s first school orientation.
Wife to James, the man behind the scenes who keeps things running and fixes things when they invariably go awry, mother to my three Munchie-Bums; Ellie, 7, Kahlei, 5 and 4 year old Jasper.
I am blogging my journey through parenthood, as I fight my Postnatal Depression and focus on bringing positivity into our family life and being the best I can be.