Life at Number 4

Recently I shared what life was like at Number 3. When we’re not at number 3, we are out west, in Number 4.

This past week at Number 4 has not been pretty. It has not been fun. It started only hours after James had left with Ellie breaking down, miserable at the thought of going to the movies without James (which, actually, shouldn’t have been an issue since we weren’t going to the movies) and has continued in the same way.

Crying and fighting and saying no (defiant little buggers, they are) peppered with cried of “I miss daddy!” Reading that back, it sounds much like a normal day with a family, but it’s been 10x worse that normal here. With so much happening and so much coming up it has really started to affect them and it’s showing. It’s not just them, of course, I am at that point. You know the one, one the edge of madness.

Things are bad when I am yelling at them and wishing I could just curl up in bed and sleep.

All three of them are suddenly unable to entertain themselves for even a moment. “Mum” is currently on my least favourite words list. If one is touching me then the other two need to come and fight over me. And, mostly, I have just wanted a bit of space and a time out. But, they follow me there too!

The irony of me having moved here for more help only to find myself alone is not lost on me and I spent many nights crying. Crying because I was alone and lonely, or because I had been yelling and mean, or because I just didn’t know what to do anymore.

I know it’s really not so bad and that makes it worse. I hate to struggle when, really, I shouldn’t be.

At one stage I decided to video one of the tantrums, I wanted to be able to share it and not feel so alone. I wanted someone to see my week. I captured a few doozies and they’re just the tip of the ice berg. I am thinking of making James’ ring tone out of it…

I know, at the end of my last post I was searching for a way to turn it around – and I still am – but, sometimes I just need to have a bit of a whinge and get it off my chest, you know?

Linking up with Jess from Essentially Jess for iBOT

 

* I’d just like to say that this was written in advance and scheduled for today. I’m okay (if you’re wondering). The kids are okay. We’ve just had a lovely weekend for Jazzy’s second birthday and today, while you’re reading my rant we’re off to Ellie’s first school orientation.

11 Comments

  1. It does get better, i promise.
    Be sure to show them all that clip when they are older lol.

    I hope Ellie enjoys her Orientation day. Jaxen loved his and wants to start school NOW.

  2. When my children were having major tantrums, I used to phone my husband and let him listen to their screams- if he didn’t answer, I would leave a message purely consisting of the outburst. Now I often record my children’s tantrums on my iPhone, so that my husband get’s the full some alone time you desperately need x

  3. Big hugs hon – tantrums and being all over you can drain you of your last bit of patience and energy – sending you a secret stash along with that hug xx

  4. It’s hard when the kids are all clamouring for your attention – so emotionally and physically draining. I hope things pick up for you soon.

  5. The months that Dave is on an afternoon shift rotation I get a bit like that, everything just seems to become too much because I don’t have his support or him coming home in the afternoons to release a bit of the pressure. I hope things get a little easier for you as Christmas gets closer.

  6. I live in Tantrum city, its SO hard. 🙁

    Its no fun when its all chaotic.

  7. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you lovely. A lot of your post resonated with me, only I don’t have a husband that works away. I know that edge of madness you spoke of though.

    #teamIBOT

  8. I don’t even have kids yet and I find it so difficult when hubby goes away for work… Sending you many positive thoughts.

  9. Sorry you are having such a tough time. I don’t even know what to suggest that would help. Just do the best that you can to get through each day – things will get better, I promise you – I just can’t tell you when that will be !!!
    Lotsa hugs
    Me
    #IBOT visitor

  10. When it rains, it pours. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you are doing fantastically x

  11. Everyone needs a rant. It’s cathartic, and gives us breathing room to deal with the next onslaught 🙂 enjoy the rest of your week 🙂

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