Grandma Adoption and Ranty Pants

Recently, Jazz adopted a Grandma while we were out at an indoor play center. She was in playing with the kids and her grandson for awhile and then, when she came to sit down, Jasper followed. The two of them chatted and it was like they’d known each other forever. It was utterly adorable, heartwarming and a little saddening, too.

You see, my children do have a grandma, but they’ve not seen her for over a year now. They’re not lacking for grandmotherly love, of course, they are adored and cherished by a Nanna, two great Nanna’s, and a Nanna Jo. They are enveloped in grandmotherly love.

Yet, I feel the loss of this relationship for my children.

Having not had a ‘grandma’ myself, I have always thought of them a little different to a Nanna. A bit older, maybe. Always putting on the kettle for tea, whipping up biscuits and teaching children how to cook. Not quite as ‘fun’ as Nanna, but loving and quiet and full of great stories. Just like this lovely lady.

Before this moment, I had been gently encouraging that we get in contact with grandma. After this I made my case a little louder. I may not always see eye to eye with her, but she is their grandmother and I am trying to be more accepting, forgiving and loving to ALL people.

Then, in the midst of me stepping up my requests, she surfaced. And, now, I am finding it hard to be that forgiving or to continue to encourage that there be more time spent with her. When you belittle my husband, don’t bother to ask about the grandchildren you’ve not seen in over a year and make it obvious that you hate me and blame me for your not having seen us, it makes it difficult for me to continue to champion for you. Funnily enough.

So, I am in a quandary. I want to remove negativity from our lives as much as possible and, she is a great source of it BUT I still think she, as their grandmother should have a relationship with my children. I am working hard to not be overcome with hardness in relation to her and how she is with us. I am trying to be forgiving and loving.

It is hard. I am not a naturally forgiving person.

Especially when things involve hurting my family.

But she is family too.

Linking up with Jess in her new digs for iBOT

12 Comments

  1. I am not close to my mother. She doesn’t have any interest in any of her grandchildren. She is way to wrapped up in herself. I really think she is the one missing out – not my girls. They are surrounded by family and friends that adore them. I would prefer that they miss out on her toxic behaviour anyway. Good luck with whatever you decide. Rachel x

    #TeamIBOT was here x

  2. Ah, families are hard work sometimes.

  3. I suffer from grandparent envy. Unfortunately my husband’s mother passed away several years ago, and my mother lives far away…. I wish you all the best in making the best decision for your family.

  4. It is really hard. My older kids have a younger brother who does not have any grandparents because both sets have been cast aside by their mother. The older kids think that it is so sad because they love their grandparents, who they only see when they are with us. Family is hard work but if it possible to gloss over your differences for the kids, they can bring beautiful memories to the children. If not, why not adopt a nanny!

  5. Sometimes missing out on a relationship is actually the better path, never feel guilty for a decision you make that is for the best of your children and if this reconnection doesn’t work out, at least you know that you tried. You can’t choose who you are related to, but you can choose your family.

  6. I totally understand this post. My MIL was not that involved with our daughter – she chose not to want to take part. There has been friction in the family and we recently heard that she is coming to Australia with one niece and they will be staying with us for 2 weeks. I am torn between moving out and leaving A to deal with them and staying them and making them put up with me !!!!
    I too have worked on removing the negativity from our lives, but I just don’t know what to do about this situation. To say it is going to be a challenge is the under statement of the year !!!
    Good luck with whatever you decide – so long as you and hubby are happy, don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
    Have a great day !
    Me
    #IBOT visitor

  7. That’s got to be a hard situation Becky. I understand you want to do the right thing and give your kids the chance to know their grandmother but who needs that sort of negativity in their lives? I hope you are able to strike the right balance for all your sakes.

  8. While they have love and support in their lives, they aren’t missing out. It is her loss. Families shouldn’t be hard, but unfortunately some branches are!

  9. Oh Becky, this is such a hard situation.
    Sometimes i think it’s necessary to remove the negativity, but it’s also so important to forgive. I think if you can do the latter, but she can’t then it’s not your fault anymore. You just need to look after the emotional health of everyone,
    For what it’s worth I grew up with no grandparents, and whilst sad, it was ok. You make do.

  10. A great post Becky. I recently had a falling out with my sister when my parents separated. It was a hard time and there was much negativity from both of us. I said a lot of things family don’t usually say to each other but it had all been waiting to be said for many years by one of the siblings. I wish I had a good relationship with her but in all honesty it was never a good relationship. Now that I have voiced my opinion of her behaviour, my brother has also found some relief from her manipulating ways.
    It has caused some tension but we are no longer tip-toeing around the way we feel, which was a hell of a lot harder.
    When it all comes down to it, nobody should be given free licence to be a negative influence on our lives, not even family. Sure, everybody deserves a second chance but if they continue to be disruptive and critical, then they would also probably be happier elsewhere.

  11. Would you be able to confront her about the way she treats you? She may not realise or it may all blow up in your face…..but probably nothing to lose at this point.

  12. Hmm…maybe she’s too much in her own “world” to realise that she’s doing that to you. Maybe try and bring that up with her? It’s nice when our kids do have a real grandparent they can spend time with – which my kids generally don’t because a) my parents are overseas b) my in-laws are too busy with my SIL’s children. So I get how you feel.

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