Taming the Mama Bear

school days, special times, one-on-one time,

How could you not love this girl?

As a mum there can be many reasons for the Mama Bear to rear her head, gnash her teeth and bare her claws. In my five and a bit years of parenting I have come to recognize her, accept her as a necessary part of a mother’s being and to let her have her say – to me or maybe on here – before putting her back in her cage.

Our biggest hurdle to date was last year’s Day Care debacle which led to Kahlei cutting her hair.  Mama Bear stayed around for awhile during that time but things calmed down with that little boy after Ellie started being picked on and simply wouldn’t have it. Once he realised she wasn’t going to take it he let it be.

Now, I am struggling to put this Mama Bear back in her cage. Last week I briefly mentioned a little girl who has taken a distinct dislike to Ellie at school. Since figuring out exactly which little girl has been calling my daughter names (poo-fart head today), encouraging Ellie’s new friends to tease her and leaving her out of her party invites before basically saying “You’re not invited to my party, na na na na!” I have been noticing her, seeing how she interacts with other children and trying desperately to not give her I-know-you’re-picking-on-my-daughter Mama Bear glares.

And what I notice is that this little girl is, really, quite miserable. Her face is constantly in a scowl and as each boy arrives at school she will march up to him, get in his face and tell him how it is. As far as her interaction with Ellie, she simply seems to pretend she’s not there. At least, in the morning while I am present. One part of me feels sad for her. I’ve yet to see even a glimpse of a smile. But, mostly, I feel enraged. That this child has decided to dislike Ellie without even giving her a chance. That she is so blatant about it. That pretty much every day, as Ellie retells her time at school there is a little tidbit about being teased or called names by this girl. It’s always simply stated as fact, although, I sense that the words are starting to impact Ellie more and more.

I tell her that sometimes people will not like you. Nobody is ever liked by every single person they meet. I tell her that, even when we don’t like other people or they don’t like us we should still treat them with respect and kindness. Especially when they’re nasty because we don’t know what’s happening in their lives to make them act that way. I tell her that, sometimes, the way people treat us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with those circumstances we know nothing about.

But, this Mama Bear seems to have put her ear plugs (see above point about glaring) and, I have been told today I can start helping in class of a Thursday in a couple of weeks and it has started me wondering how exactly I can combat this before I step into the classroom. Of course, I have no ill-will towards her but I worry that I might be different towards her than others or I might avoid giving her help. I have to remind myself more often that I do not know what is happening in this girl’s life than I do Ellie.

Any tips out there for taming this Mama Bear?





  1. Have you mentioned to her teacher what has been happening. I don’t know how many children there are buy maybe the teacher isn’t aware of what is happening. If you just mention it without making a big issue of it, she can then keep an eye out for it and nip it in the bud.
    It’s so hard when another child is hurting your child to not take it out on them – all you can do it try to treat her the same as all the other children.
    I hope you manage to get this matter resolved.
    Have the best day !
    #IBOT visitor

  2. Oh wow!! I don’t know how to handle that situation.. I would find it hard not too say something.. have you spoken to the girl’s parents? I know they discourage these things.. my sister’s boy got bitten really badly a couple of times by another boy in year one.. and the teachers did nothing.. so she went and spoke to the parents.. they had no idea and were grateful that she told them and spoke to the teachers etc.. apparently it had happened alot and the teachers just ignored it!


  3. I get it. I am a complete tiger when it comes to my kids, whether it be another kid picking on them, a teacher overlooking them, an examiner marking them down….I am completely irrational sometimes.
    But it helps to remember that I am my daughters role model. That her ability to cope with the difficulties in life will be influenced by how I react to her and to others when she can observe me. It definitely helps keep me under control. And she makes me proud by her attitude. Good luck xx

  4. That’s a toughie, I had similar situation at daycare, broke my heart and found out the wee girl had some serious issues going on at home, and while this explained it – I still found it hard to deal with. No advice, trust your mama bear instincts, they’ll be right on xx

  5. I don’t have any advice. I don’t know the inner workings of a bully or how to deal with them. Maybe get to know your enemy, keep them close. I do hope you find a solution, I hope that your daughter will be happy at school. One of my mothers deepest regrets with me is that she never taught me to stick up for myself 🙂

  6. We’ve unfortunately had to deal with this situation before, but thankfully, my daughter was older so could cope with it better. I’d say something to the teacher, and keep saying something if nothing happens. Even take to it the principle if need be.
    I’d guess that this particular little girl has a really unhappy home life, and the only way she feels any kind of control, is by being at school. It’s possible that all she actually needs is some real love and compassion. Maybe by showing that to her, she might actually treat Ellie better? Just a thought 🙂

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