On the outer
So, last week this thing happened. Every parental blogger in the whole entire world went to a conference except me. Every. Single. One. Trust me, I know and I do not ever exaggerate. Ever.
I grumbled somewhat to the hubby about not being there and followed along with the #DPCon13 chatter. I read the tweets, stalked on facebook and watched on Instagram. All the talk, all the photos of other bloggers being with ‘their people’, being surrounded by people who get them, making friends got me thinking.
Once upon a time I was going to things, I was ‘being’. A part of the community.
Recently, however, I’ve been unable to attend things. For various reasons.
I have been feeling a little out of the loop. Like, the friendships I once thought I had aren’t. Like I’d somehow slipped out of the community I thought I was part of. Not in a ‘they’re so mean and excluding me and cliquey’ high school kind of way but in a ‘I’m not there connecting and being’ kind of way.
It’s not just the events and conferences, either. I feel like I withdrew last year from the blog, from social media. I did the opposite of what I did the first time I suffered badly with post natal depression and, I guess now I wish I hadn’t because that first time I was surrounded and pulled through. This time, I’ve come through and am even off my meds, but I feel alone.
I want to reach out, but I am awkward. Socially inept. I want to be at these things dancing, laughing, growing and making friends but even when I AM at things I can’t make myself accessible. I can’t just go back to those I thought I had a relationship with and think we can just be how we were.
I sometimes think I will probably simply end up in obscurity. I’ll be that blogger nobody remembers or is remembered vaguely for some really strange reason. Yeah. That blogger.
Oh woe. Woe is me.
But, not really. I know this is all on me and this is me taking a step. This is me reaching out. This is me saying I don’t want to accept being socially incapable anymore.
Were you at the conference last week? Tell me how utterly boring it was and that you did not have a fabulous time, making tons of amazing bloggy friends (lie to me)
Have you entered yet?