On the outer


So, last week this thing happened. Every parental blogger in the whole entire world went to a conference except me. Every. Single. One. Trust me, I know and I do not ever exaggerate. Ever.

I grumbled somewhat to the hubby about not being there and followed along with the #DPCon13 chatter. I read the tweets, stalked on facebook and watched on Instagram. All the talk, all the photos of other bloggers being with ‘their people’, being surrounded by people who get them, making friends got me thinking.

Once upon a time I was going to things, I was ‘being’. A part of the community.

Recently, however, I’ve been unable to attend things. For various reasons.

I have been feeling a little out of the loop. Like, the friendships I once thought I had aren’t. Like I’d somehow slipped out of the community I thought I was part of. Not in a ‘they’re so mean and excluding me and cliquey’ high school kind of way but in a ‘I’m not there connecting and being’ kind of way.

It’s not just the events and conferences, either. I feel like I withdrew last year from the blog, from social media. I did the opposite of what I did the first time I suffered badly with post natal depression and, I guess now I wish I hadn’t because that first time I was surrounded and pulled through. This time, I’ve come through and am even off my meds, but I feel alone.

I want to reach out, but I am awkward. Socially inept. I want to be at these things dancing, laughing, growing and making friends but even when I AM at things I can’t make myself accessible. I can’t just go back to those I thought I had a relationship with and think we can just be how we were.

I sometimes think I will probably simply end up in obscurity. I’ll be that blogger nobody remembers or is remembered vaguely for some really strange reason. Yeah. That blogger.

Oh woe. Woe is me.

But, not really. I know this is all on me and this is me taking a step. This is me reaching out. This is me saying I don’t want to accept being socially incapable anymore.

Were you at the conference last week? Tell me how utterly boring it was and that you did not have a fabulous time, making tons of amazing bloggy friends (lie to me) ;)

 

Have you entered yet?

 

15 Comments

  1. I sat and watched last year and promised I would not sit back and watch this year. This year I made myself go. I pushed myself through so many personal boundaries I came out the other side feeling bruised and battered. I am struggling to slip back into life and the thought of being the same room as anyone right now sends my heart into palpitation overdrive.
    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely #teamIBOT

  2. I sat and watched last year.. I came all the way from Perth – because we don’t have these things in Perth, every week I see bloggers going off to things in sydney and melbourne.. because thats where it all is..

    I am sending you a big squeezy hug!!! xx Don’t feel alone.. we are all here for you!

  3. I did not go this year (and last year I felt very awkward among people that seemed so connected to each other so probably did not make the most of it).

    Keep reaching out hon – i am over on my blog and fb and email any time you want to chat. xxx

    • Hey Becky, if I ever make it to one of those things and it happens to be one that you make it to, I will track you down for a chat. (although please note when I get nervous I talk a lot and swear like a truckie – apologies in advance for that).
      xox Katy

      • Hooray – I’m a nervous swearer too! As long as you don’t mind that Becky we can hang together being awkward :)

  4. Don’t feel out of the loop, we can’t always do everything for whatever reason. Keep your online relationships going and I am sure in the future you will go and enjoy another conference.

    Bug hugs xxx

  5. Totally get where you are coming from. I have taken a big step back from the blogging community (not really a conscious decision!) lately and in the DPCON aftermath am feeling quite on the outer. Ride the tide lovely, it will come full circle xx

  6. I didn’t go last year and skipped again this year. Some how I’ve managed to build a solid friendship circle in non internet life… still shocked about that and it has made a big difference to that feeling of being on the outer.

  7. Know what you mean Becky – I didn’t go – but I heard it was totally shit, the room smelt terrible because everyone kept farting after eating too much buffet food and the toilets didn’t flush (did that make you feel a tiny bit better?) Em xx

  8. I didn’t go either, I never do. I always feel left out, but it’s just that I’m not joining in, two different things entirely. I do it in real life as well, all the time. Hugs to you, Lovely. If I ever meet you at a conference I promise to give you a big non awkward hug.
    xx

  9. It is hard going to things feeling like you are on the ‘outer’. To some extent, I felt that last year too. It is not easy going to anything like these conferences. But then you realise, you are not the only one either. Hang in there, keep trying, and hopefully you will find that strength to push yourself a little bit more and more …. xoxo

  10. I didn’t go either. Just too much on in the rest of my life. One year I might go, if I get my act together!

  11. I didn’t go – and there are times when I see how much fun everyone had that i feel like I have missed out on something good.
    I am only an e-mail or phone call away if you need someone to chat to. I am battling with depression because of menopause and happy to help in any way that I can !
    Take care – love, hugs and positive energy !
    Me
    #IBOT visitor

  12. I went and I had fun, and I fit in. But it’s still different to those who go to all the events, and see each other a lot.
    I guess what I’m saying is, even in the midst of it, I was still out of it. We are all still out of it in a way. Bloggers seem to all be fairly socially awkward people, which is why we blog.
    I wish I could say something more positive to make you feel better, but I just keep deleting everything I say.
    Thankyou for reaching out. Keep reaching. That’s all we can do xxx

  13. I went and had a shit time, spoke to no one, learnt nothing and everyone was rude and cliquey. Happy? Sorry I am lying. I did have a good time but being the introvert I am: I was looking at all the post blog conference posts wondering why didn’t I push myself a bit more to meet other people and groups. It did feel a little surreal at times. There is always next year if you want to go. I am from Perth so it was a big deal to go to the conference but I am glad I did.

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