On Not Coping

Crazy Kids, South Coast NSW, Not Coping, Love them

Sometimes, when I’m not coping, things around here aren’t that great. If I am honest with myself, things haven’t been the same within our family since early last September, when James first left us all behind in Bathurst and started his new-old job and I did some solo parenting, lots of traveling, house searching and a whole lot of not coping.

Of course, things can’t always be sunshine, beaches and zoo visits, but a little more certainly wouldn’t hurt. It’s that old thing, where if things are good they’re really good – in that moment. And when things are bad? They’re really bad.

I’d been desperately hanging out for our Pink weekend, I had tried to organise other times for me to get a break but nothing was coming together, so I was holding onto that weekend as a time to recharge, reset and start again. A time to leave all the difficulties since September behind and just go forward as a new, refreshed woman.

Of course, I set myself up for failure in looking forward so intently and placing every last bit of strength into getting to that point. We didn’t sleep, we didn’t relax. It was wonderful and worth it but also taxing. I came home, fully seeing a beautiful reunion and a shift in all those family dynamics which were plaguing us only to be greeted by over tired, sick children.

This week was meant to be a realigning of life. I was going to get everything under control and organised, instead I am trying to get ahead in a house that has, seemingly, imploded on itself out of spite for me. The more I forge ahead, the more bogged down I get. I am beginning to look around and feel utterly despondent. Anything I can get done they can undo in double time.

There’s too much yelling. There are things I started to allow back in September because it was what I needed to do to get through that time. We do what we’ve gotta do, right? But, there have been reasons to continue to let things slip and it’s almost been a year!

Things need to change. I know that. I do.

I’m just so exhausted. But, it turns out throwing my hands in the air and yelling more than I would like just isn’t getting us anywhere. Crazy, I know.

Where we go from here, I don’t really know.
How do you cope when you’re not coping at all?

Linking up with Jess for #ibot.

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18 Comments

  1. Solo parenting is hard sometimes and my children undo what I do in double time too.I wish I didn’t yell so much too.
    We cope as best we can at the time.
    I hope it starts to come together for you soon and you can feel on top again.

    • Honestly, Trish, I am so relieved to hear I am not alone – as horrid as I feel admitting it. Thanks for popping by x

  2. It is tough when you are in a circle of not coping, so hard to reach out. I found a good way to do it is to make a list of 5 things everyday you want to get done and do those things. I have also found make time to get some extra sleep once a week. Ie a sleep in or an hour nap in the middle of the day. Make it your time. And if you really feel like you are not coping talk to your GP keep them in the loop. Big hugs xx

    • Thanks Eleise, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I try to get a nap when I can, though, it’s getting harder of late!

  3. Oh Becky xxx It is the most awful feeling isn’t. It’s like you are treading water yet those dam waves just keep getting bigger and rougher. Be kind to yourself, let it all go. Work out a game plan, one that has bite size pieces so you can see that slowly you are making ground. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way

  4. Not coping and being overwhelmed is such an intense feeling.
    I find getting out of the house and going for a walk or family time in nature makes all the difference in the world to me.
    Sending you lots of hugs XX

  5. In one way or another, we all are not coping. I feel your exhaustion and your tiredness. I hope you find some balance and some clarity soon. Sending big hugs x Josefa from #teamIBOT

  6. Sometimes it’s hard, it’s so hard. I find for me accountability helps keep me on track. A few weeks ago the baby had croup, I sat up with her all night coughing and spluttering and I was exhausted. Come morning, the older kids were all fussing over the morning routine and my tired-ass self morphed into shouty mama. I felt much better physically after baby and I had a 5 hour sleep while they were at school, but I felt awful about how I’d yelled and bullied. So I picked them up and took them out for icecream and apologised for being so grouchy. They forgave me.
    Keep fighting the good fight xx

  7. When I’m not coping I try and say ‘yes’ more than I say ‘no’. Yes you can paint today even though it will make a mess. Yes we can have sandwiches for dinner just because. Yes I will have a glass of wine and a long bath when you go to bed. Hope you find your answer xx

  8. Honestly it’s only been in the past year that I have felt like I am slightly coping with life, until then every day I wasn’t coping. Most days I struggle to get through, but then while my hubby is away at 4.30 – he is home at 5 so I’m lucky. I can’t imagine how hard it is Becky, I hope you have friends/family you can offload to, both emotionally and kids! Hang in there and just roll with it, I remember when I wasn’t coping I just accepted that life was crap and hoped it would get better, it did. Hugs xx

  9. When I’m not coping I just go back to basics, celebrate the wins, however small they are and just let everything else happen. As long as your children are fed and happy, that’s all that really matters at the end of the day.

  10. So sorry to hear Becky. I think it’s even harder when we have those expectations and they are crushed and not don’t make the difference we expect them to make. May you find a break or the patch of blue sky soon which will energise you for the down times. I think it’s just about searching for that patch of blue. xx (if only it were that easy)

  11. Oh Becky it all sounds so hard!
    First things first, don’t be too hard on yourself! You cant have everything perfect all the time.
    Secondly, start small. I always tell mums that the best thing you can do to get control of the day, is start with a flexible routine where you’re in charge. But starting that can be daunting, so work on one hour at a time if you have to. If you can get organised from 7-8 in the morning, that’s an awesome place to start. Then work on 8-9 and so forth. Alternatively, work on one problem bahviour that is driving you nuts. It might be one per child, or one each and just focus on getting that area sorted, and hen moving on to other things. It’s amazing how even getting back small amount of control can give you hope that things will get better.
    I’m always here if you need to chat. xx

  12. Being the mum is hard. Especially when in your heart you want to be so good at it that you push yourself well beyond your own limits. (I know a little bit about that myself) My advice is to make as much effort as you can to care for yourself. I’ve seen you with your kids I know you’re already a wonderful mum who would give anything for her beautiful little people. But please take a step back and include yourself in the care manifesto. If I had my time again with little tiny people that is the one thing I’d change. Hang in there 🙂

  13. Hope things fall in place soon for you too. Maybe rather than waiting for a full weekend to recharge, little daily time-outs will help to ease the tension and stress too. Big hugs.

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  14. Sounds like you’re having a really tough time, Becky. Be easy on yourself and relax your expectations of yourself. My mantra always is simplify, simplify, simplify. Do a lot less of the unimportant things and more of what’s important, like being there for the kids, providing them with clear boundaries and spending time with them. I hope things get better soon!

  15. It sounds like you are getting lots of support through the comments and hopefully this will make you feel more like you can start to cope – one day at a time. Acknowledging how you are feeling is a big start, and spring is around the corner. I’m like you I tend to invest a lot in a particular special occasion on deadline thinking it will somehow signal a miraculous change – but change is usually a lot slower and harder. Visiting via FYBF….kathy

  16. Oh Becky, I feel for you. It’s so hard to back on your feet when you’ve been circling the drain. I really hope things improve for you and your family soon. Be gentle on yourself xx

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