Letting the Muse out

ballerinamuse

As a teenager I had an imaginary friend.

His name was Fred. He was tall and thin with shoulder length electric blue dreadlocks. I think, it all started one day when talking about whether we had invisible friends as children or not. The stories of a close, special relationship with their invisible friends made me feel as if I had missed out on something every kid should experience, so I made up Fred.

It was just a bit of fun but soon, he had a personality. I wrote Dear Fred at the beginning of each diary entry because he started to feel like a best friend who could hold all my secrets. When I went through a tough time, it was made easier because I could write out my problems to him.

During the time of Fred I also wrote a lot. Daily in fact. I had many manuscripts squirreled away and so many ideas I could hardly keep up. There was one story in particular which I knew would one day be published. It had a feel about it. I was passionate about it. I edited and re-edited and wrote and wrote until I knew the characters inside and out. Cain was going to be my breakout novel. I wasn’t even the only person who believed that.

I even likened him to my own Tyler Durden – a part of me, only I was aware of him not being taken over like the Narrator of Fight Club.

As I got older he started fading and as I started working and eventually found the love of my life, Fred disappeared. He wasn’t a required part of my life anymore. I didn’t notice him go and I wasn’t sad. In fact, it was many years post him leaving that I even realised.

Recently, in my art journaling journey through Book of Days with Effy Wild, I got to thinking about Fred again. It had come to a point where I had simply forgotten he had been. I seem to be great at that. The forgetting of things that were once important or big.

muse

There was much talk in the Book of Day group about Muses. I read most of it with a detached interest. I didn’t have a muse, I didn’t really know what it meant or if they were real but I loved how the women spoke of them and of how they were inspired by the existence of their own.

I went about arting and reading until one day I suddenly found myself thinking of him, as if someone had whispered his name in my ear and all the memories of years gone by were shaken free. The connection between ‘Fred’ and ‘Muse’ was made subconsciously, but it made sense. I wrote, was productive and confident when that part of me was around and let loose.

These days, I dream of writing. I sign up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, where you attempt to write a 50, 000 word novel in November) yearly and fail yearly. I have a tattoo that tells me to write, reminds me of my dreams and highlights my failures. I blog but that’s about as much writing as I ever get done.

So, I think it’s time for Fred to reenter my life. I am not sure what form he will take, an imaginary blue haired teenage boy might not be what I need to get my juices flowing.

I have to be honest, I don’t know how to unleash the muse and unlock all that inspiration. For now, I am NaNoing (this year I will win) and am going to start a new series on the blog that simply shares my newest projects (Smash/art journal/whatever) weekly, maybe a video or two and go from there. Monday’s Musing or Friday’s Muse – unsure which name/day I prefer.

It’s a way to make sure I am creating. Which is good for the soul.

I really hope this isn’t coming across as crazy as it seems as I write it…

Do you know what I’m talking about?
Do you have a muse?
Or do I just sound like a crazy person?

Linking up with the ever lovely Jess for #ibot

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16 Comments

  1. I love it becky – both the story and the plan – can’t wait to see what you share xx

    • Thank you Deb. I really appreciate your comment. Can’t wait to share (and see what I share, too, no idea where I am going with this!)

  2. This is very cute! Hope Fred comes back to you! 🙂

    • Thanks Lucy. I hope so, too. Might have to resort to some type of rain dance adapted for muses, I think!

  3. Yeah you kinda sound crazy, but aren’t we all? Well the honest and creative ones anyhow. I know deep down I have some great shiz to say, knowledge, wisdom to impart but I just can’t seem to reach into myself to get it out!!! YOU CAN DO IT xx

    • Ahh Emily. I love your beautiful honesty. Maybe you can find a Fred, too and unleash all that goodness on us.

  4. Not crazy at all.
    Can’t wait to see what you come up with xx

    • Thank you Jess. I’m excited. And scared.

  5. Ah so not crazy and are you inside my head? I am trying to NaNo as well, so far without much success but not really tried all that hard if you know what I mean. I am hoping to be able to get back on track super soon.

    Wishing you well lovely. And leaving lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT

    • I so appreciate this comment, Rhianna. It’s good to hear I am not alone in, what feels like, my craziness. I wrote this and had high hopes for NaNo. To date I’ve written UNDER 1000 words. However, with our inspection out of the way today I imagine I can make that up now…
      I hope you’ve been able to find your mojo and are going great guns!

  6. Welcome back, Fred! This reminded me a little of drop dead fred. Good luck with Nanowrimo. Fred can get you through!

  7. Becky I talk to my Nanna a bit – she is no longer with us and I bounce almost everything off her and if I’m home alone I talk out loud to her. Looking forward to what you and Fred come up with.

  8. It doesn’t sound crazy; it sounds like a great idea. Bring him back if he helps you. I don’t have a muse but I think I need one! Good luck.

  9. Good luck NaNoWriMo’ing this month, such an ambitious plan with a young family and blog already. I’m in awe. But I also can identify with the NEED to release those creative juices so go for it!

  10. Love it, bring him on, your old Friend Fred, he will guide you on your journey of words stories and self discovery. I really believe when we are younger teenagers even though we do not believe it we are quite in touch with our true selves, but perhaps we are too scared to embrace it. So if he is calling you back there must be a reason. Good luck
    #FYBF

  11. Be free, Fred. Be freeeeeeee! x

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