“You’re Not Invited”
I am so upset and angry right now. I know there are rules, guidelines and best practices surrounding blogging angry. I don’t care.
You see, Ellie is one third of a very close group of girls who do everything together. It has been this way practically since the very start of the year. They often have other little girls join with them and are friends with most of the girls in their class but these three have a special bond. I guess they’re a small group within a larger group, if that makes sense? This afternoon, two of those three girls were attending a ‘lovely party’ and one of those girls was not.
Obviously, that one girl was Ellie. Although, to be honest, I would be angry if it were either of the other girls, too.
A week or so ago, Ellie came home so excited, telling me this little girl had told her she was invited to her party but that the invites weren’t quite ready yet. A couple of days later, at dance, I saw the little girl and her mum with a little pile of invites, which – from a far – looked all pretty and handmade. When the mother saw me and Ellie’s class started coming out, the invites suddenly were hidden. I felt a twinge of worry but hoped I wasn’t right in my feeling that Ellie was, in fact, NOT to be invited.
The excitement still remained, soon this little girl would surely give out her invites. And, she had told Ellie she was invited but by all accounts the talk of the party had dried up.
Then, today, my fears were confirmed when Ellie’s bestie’s mum asked if she was off to the lovely party that afternoon. “No.” I said, “She wasn’t invited.” I found it quite difficult. As we returned to the car Ellie told me the little girl had come and told her today that she wasn’t invited and when I told her it was alright to feel a little upset about it she said she understood that everyone couldn’t be invited. She was so gracious even though she was also hurting.
I don’t expect her to be invited to all the parties that go on and I know there always has to be a line. We can’t all always invite everyone, but this just seems so harsh. Especially, after weeks and weeks of spending time near but not really WITH her friends because of dance recitals (including the birthday girl), where she ended up in a different class for reasons I am unsure of. She sadly watched as they practiced and spent time together. At one stage their was a ‘BOM BOM’ party held for the girls dancing in that to learn the dance better and to spend some time together. I heard the whispered planning of it and hoped like crazy Ellie wouldn’t know what she was missing out on.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be. The girl who was ‘hosting’ the BOM BOM party flat out told her that it was happening and that she couldn’t go. She came home and said to me “I was upset, but mum, I can’t cry at school.”
Today’s birthday girl and Ellie are quite good friends, I think. Or so it seemed. The thing I don’t understand is why they would ask her close friends and leave her out? Especially at such a young age. Especially when my girl had so passionately wanted to include everyone in her party, even the girl who had meanly taunted her about having not invited her in the beginning of the year (thankfully the two seem to now be good friends).
If Ellie wasn’t close to the birthday girl and the people she plays with, I would have no problem with her being excluded.
I really dislike when people try to put on a ‘I’m inclusive’ persona when they’re obviously really not.
And, something that makes me even angrier is that I was, again, party to the whispered talk of plans for this while in the dance hall. When Ellie was waiting on an invite I kept telling myself that surely, this mother wouldn’t have sat next to me and talk about such a lovely party that my daughter wouldn’t be part of? Surely?
Apparently, I was quite wrong about this mother and in the scheme of things, it’s just one party. Not a biggie. Maybe I am completely wrong to feel so upset. Maybe Ellie’s part of larger group doesn’t mean she should be included when the other girls are. Still. I am angry and saddened. And confused.
Anyway. I just needed to vent because while my girl handled it with hurt grace, I have been seething.
Have you ever had something like this happen?