My love/hate relationship with Thursdays

Mylovesatsunset
Thursday. It’s been ‘my’ day for a couple of years now – well, excluding holidays and sick days (which, actually, there are quite a few of). I was ‘prescribed’ a child-free day by my doctor during the worst of my PND.

It took me a while to accept his (quite firm) suggestion and to see that putting my kids in Day Care would be beneficially for us all.

It took me even longer to do those precious days right. I used to rush around, shopping, cleaning, helping out at school and trying to do things I thought I should do. I felt guilty that my children were in care and I wasn’t at work.

It’s only been this year that I’ve done what I was initially told to do. I’ve done whatever I’ve needed to do in order to fill myself back up and I’ve thrown away the guilt. The last couple of weeks (excluding last week as I had sickies instead of a haircut) meant a lot of sleeping to get over the washout tonsillitis caused.

Thursdays have become my weekend and I have realised, after so much resistance, that I need that time. We all need me to have that time.

I love Thursdays for the opportunity they offer me to feel human again.

But, I have come to hate Thursdays, too.

Recently, I have been feeling overwhelmingly lonely, which seems ridiculous given that I spend every other day with one, two, three or four extra people who tend to not give me much reason to feel lonely.

And then there’s school pick up where I am in a swarm of other parents or the two hours where I am surrounded by little people who want to tell me all the things. Loneliness just doesn’t seem like something I should have time for.

While I have a few parents I talk to and that I enjoy talking to, nothing has progressed to that thing where you have a coffee or make some kind of plans outside of child-led interactions. I’m not that person who is able to initiate furthering social interactions.

My social ineptitude, anxieties and failings means it’s basically a 99.99% certinty that I will not initiate meeting elsewhere.

I’m working on seeming less ‘distant/stuck up/superior’ or however I come across thanks to my awkwardness but I am already drained by stepping out of my comfort zone on a (week)daily basis and, to be honest, I don’t know if it will really get me anywhere.

The friends I do have are so far away. And, sometimes, the people you thought would always be in your life simply aren’t. People who say they’ll come visit drive on by and seem to avoid me when we’re at the same place.

I miss doing what people do and seeing friends, having BBQs, going out to the movies for a girly night.

This Thursday is my 31st birthday and that has made me intensely aware of how I am feeling. I don’t want to spend the day alone and lonely.

I’m hoping James will be local so we can at least have lunch but we won’t really know for sure until the day, I try not to get too hopeful though as many lunches have fallen through (adding to this whole feeling I am having).

I need my day but sometimes, I’d like to break it up with human (adult) interactions.

Do you have any tips for me?

Linking up with Jess for #ibot

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8 Comments

  1. Happy Birthday!! Enjoy your day no matter what you end up doing.

  2. Thursdays just for you sound really great to me although I can relate to the loneliness.

    You gotta make sure something real snazzy happen for you next Thursday (Happy Birthday in advance). Plan it. No shame in that. If it saves you feeling disappointed and low then do it. Take the reigns and say this is what I want to do, do you wanna do it with me? Otherwise take yourself out for lunch and do that special thing that you normally wouldn’t allow yourself. You deserve it lady! x

  3. Happy birthday for tomorrow and I hope you have a wonderful day. I hope you’re happily busy, but if you’re not, Thu is the day when I have a bit of time, too, and I’ll be happy to connect with you!

  4. I’m sorry that your feeling this. They say perception is reality (because you make it so). Just ask one person for a coffee – maybe it will grow from there. I have no advice (but as you know I hear you!)
    Given that three of us wrote along these lines this week, maybe EVERY ONE is feeling like this. Someone just has to take the first steps…good luck!!

  5. Happy Birthday! Hope you have made some coffee/lunch plans. I agree with the others, a lot of people may feel the same way, but it is hard to take that first step. I find birthdays to often be over-rated and disappointing, don’t feel bad if it is ‘just another day’…

  6. I understand how hard it is the initiate a meeting up. We moved to Tassie 6 years ago and I had to literally force myself to attend playgroup so that the boys could start meeting people. Thankfully I met some amazing friends. It may be extremely awkward in the moment, but if you can push yourself just for a few moments to ask someone for a coffee you may find it will get easier after that. Good luck, and Happy Birthday! #teamIBOT

  7. Oh lovely lady, I’m sorry you’re lonely and if you were closer, I’d go for coffee with you! I hope your birthday Thursday (happy belated birthday by the way!) was lovely, that James was around for lunch and that your small people showered you with love as only small people can xx

  8. I know this is an older post and I really wish I could be all sunshine light and give you a path that would ease your way.. but the best I can do is say you’re not alone.

    After moving to the NSW south coast a bit over 18 months ago, as a newly single mum of a 9 month old, in many ways I am very much still struggling to find my tribe

    Luckily I found a couple of people that are a possibility through a newly formed craft based playgroup in Tilba as I just got lost in the pre-existing relationships of the large local playgroup. I’m lucky because I have family local, which is why I moved, but some days I would just love to have someone that felt like they wanted to ring or just drop by and have a conversation. I am getting better at just sending out an open invitations to those that might be interested if my son and I are going out and doing something a bit out of the ordinary, i.e. a run around the beach or if we are doing a reasonably 2-3 yr old friendly nature walk, but it still very much feels like hard yards with little progress.

    Most of the time I just can’t afford to look into the well of lonely I feel as it is something I can only do so much about right now(most of the network opportunities that match my interests run at night). I just do my best reach out where I feel it is at least marginally safe and put myself out there to the extent that I can emotionally afford considering there is a little person relying on me to be safety.

    Best Wishes
    Belinda

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