Endings, beginnings, moments

I had intended to reply to all the lovely comments on my last post in a timely fashion – I truly do appreciate your words of support and understanding and wanted to thank each of you – but, that night, as I washed what felt like the millionth load of dishes and lamented how long it was taking our landlords to okay getting the dishwasher fixed/replaced, I got a call telling me that my beloved Aunty Jilly had passed away.

The news took my breath and sent me to my knees.

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Aunty Jilly with my Nan at Nan’s 80th birthday a few years ago

I wanted the world to stop. To be able to stay crumpled on the kitchen floor with my grief. Having lived my early teenage years with my grandparents, much of my time was spent in an odd kind of awesome foursome with my grandparents, Aunty Jilly (my nan’s bestie) and myself. We did everything together and she was a massive positive influence on me in my highly impressionable years.

Sitting in my grandparent’s lounge room after the funeral, I half expected her to walk through the door, just as she always had. But, she didn’t. THAT had changed while everything else just kept on. Lunches needed to be made, dishes and clothes needed washing, kids and husbands needed feeding.

I felt frustrated that life went on as normal.

A week on from the funeral, I was in Canberra celebrating my Mum’s wedding.

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It reminded me that if we stop the world in our darkest times, through our grief, depression and struggles then we won’t get the chance to witness the beginnings.

It’s all just moments. We have to endure the harder moments to enjoy the simpler, joy-filled moments.

And then keeping those happy moments close when things feel tough and overwhelming.

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Watching Felix master new skills*

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Watching Jasper in his Hip Hop class – he’s the tiny one

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Happy moments with my girl

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Ruining Felix’s life by making him playdough

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Watching the cross country

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Watching Ellie master handstands and cart wheels

They’re just some of our recent moments I’m hanging onto.
What moments are getting you through?

Linking up with Jess for #ibot

* Musical Lion Walker gifted to Felix by Fisher Price

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6 Comments

  1. So sorry for your loss of Aunty Jilly!

  2. It’s so important to relish the moments. The phone and the TV and the chores and the ‘I’ll just…’ moments can get in the way of just cherishing the life we have! I love to sit and watch my kids, my daughter singing completely unselfconsciously – as long as she doesn’t think anyone’s listening! And my son sidling around trying to press all the electric switches, thinking he’s so clever and hasn’t been spotted! And so many other little things. They always lift me up inside, no matter what big worries or troubles I might have. I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you all the best. Found you on #IBOT! 🙂

  3. I am sorry for your loss.
    The moments at the end of the day, spent with those that love me, that get me through the tough times. xx

  4. So sorry to hear about the loss of your Aunt. It’s tiny moments I cherish, the little insignificant ones. It was probably my pregnancy hormones but last night when my four year old told me to close my eyes so he could unveil a LEGO creation he’d so proudly made, I burst into tears. I’m just so proud of him, I love him so much and hope that even with baby number two coming after it being just him for so long that I won’t miss the moments with him.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    It’s hard when you want time to stop and it doesn’t. It just feels so unfair. I felt like that last year, when after dad died, I still had assignments to do. It was rude that the demand was still there.
    I hope you’re going ok now. xx

  6. Oh darling heart, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Life is a strange and beautiful thing surprising us, delighting us and breaking us so often in a close succession of moments. Seems that has been your truth in the last couple of weeks. Big hugs xx

    PS – Felix is gorgeous! I have the same Wondersuit for Mango and love it!

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