Endings, beginnings, moments
I had intended to reply to all the lovely comments on my last post in a timely fashion – I truly do appreciate your words of support and understanding and wanted to thank each of you – but, that night, as I washed what felt like the millionth load of dishes and lamented how long it was taking our landlords to okay getting the dishwasher fixed/replaced, I got a call telling me that my beloved Aunty Jilly had passed away.
The news took my breath and sent me to my knees.
Aunty Jilly with my Nan at Nan’s 80th birthday a few years ago
I wanted the world to stop. To be able to stay crumpled on the kitchen floor with my grief. Having lived my early teenage years with my grandparents, much of my time was spent in an odd kind of awesome foursome with my grandparents, Aunty Jilly (my nan’s bestie) and myself. We did everything together and she was a massive positive influence on me in my highly impressionable years.
Sitting in my grandparent’s lounge room after the funeral, I half expected her to walk through the door, just as she always had. But, she didn’t. THAT had changed while everything else just kept on. Lunches needed to be made, dishes and clothes needed washing, kids and husbands needed feeding.
I felt frustrated that life went on as normal.
A week on from the funeral, I was in Canberra celebrating my Mum’s wedding.
It reminded me that if we stop the world in our darkest times, through our grief, depression and struggles then we won’t get the chance to witness the beginnings.
It’s all just moments. We have to endure the harder moments to enjoy the simpler, joy-filled moments.
And then keeping those happy moments close when things feel tough and overwhelming.
Watching Felix master new skills*
Watching Jasper in his Hip Hop class – he’s the tiny one
Happy moments with my girl
Ruining Felix’s life by making him playdough
Watching the cross country
Watching Ellie master handstands and cart wheels
They’re just some of our recent moments I’m hanging onto.
What moments are getting you through?
Linking up with Jess for #ibot
* Musical Lion Walker gifted to Felix by Fisher Price