Do you remember when the tagline here at BeckyandJames was Living Life with Purpose and Passion? Those words sat on the top of the blog for years and years and didn’t change. Actually nothing here changed, I mean, the content did but the layout, look, feel and tag didn’t while life around us did.
Sometime last year I realised we needed to change things up, I couldn’t bare to write a single word on the blank page here and hadn’t for a long time. It started when my postnatal depression reared it’s ugly head again and the darkness left my mind foggy but once I felt able to write again I would log in and feel disconnected. Nothing I saw reflected how life was then.
Our logo was of a family of five stick figures, even though we had added our littlest man to the mix in April 2015 and if there was one thing I wasn’t doing it was ‘living life with purpose and passion’. Muddling through? Yup. Struggling along? Uhuh. Wondering what the hell I’m supposed to be doing now? Absolutely.
It’s time for the blog to reflect where I’m at so I can come back to doing what allows me to breathe again. Which means it will probably be a bit of a mess but that’s okay.
Sun. Sand. Searching.
Recently, falling asleep has become difficult – this is a new symptom of my depression and anxiety for me, it has never before impacted my ability to go to sleep. These three words came to me as I lay listening to James sleep and Ellie grind her teeth. It felt perfect. For now.
My life is in the sun, toes in the sand, searching. For a space to set up our beach stuff. For stingrays. Rips. Rocks. Dreaded oysters that rip up your feet. Searching for the right treatment. For friends. Moments. The right way to parent. Answers. Searching for a moment’s peace. Just searching while filling up in this place that means more to me than I ever expected.
So, this is us now. A work in progress. Please excuse the dirt and dust as we figure out what ‘now’ looks like for us here.
I’m so excited! And boy have I got some stories to get off my chest.